10 Sure Signs You Might Be In A Cowboy Church

by Kevin on April 16, 2010

Cowboys all across the country are gatherin’ in the strangest of places these days. You were always sure to find a cowboy at the feed store on any given day. You could find him out in the pasture if you knew where to look. Ever’ once in a while, you could find him starin’ at people who were sure starin’ at him when his wife drug him to the mall. But there is a new place where cowboys are starting to show up–Cowboy Church!

The cowboy is finally findin’ a place where he can worship without worryin’ about getting the carpet dirty or havin’ to leave his best friend in the truck. If you don’t know who the friend is that I am referrin’ to in this matter, then you’ve probably never been to a Cowboy Church.

Just in case any of you are wonderin’ what in the world Cowboy Church is, I’ve put a little list together to tell you what you might expect if you happen to ever find an honest to goodness Cowboy Church.

(Disclaimer: If you are a person who feels like God can only be approached with a suit and tie and super shiny shoes, please stop readin’ right now to avoid any injury due to super-duper-religious apoplexy.)

How to know if you are in Cowboy Church

  1. You walk in and it smells as if the Glade Company has started making “Feed Store-Cow dog-Boot Shop-Copenhagen-Coffee” scented candles.
  2. You notice tears in the eyes of three cowboys around you durin’ the band’s rendition of “Ghost Riders in the Sky”.
  3. The offerin’ box by the front door has 3 brand new Skoal cans, 2 half empty Copenhagen cans, a set of reins, a free breedin’ certificate to Old Man Wilson’s good stud, and a tiny cross someone whittled out of a mesquite limb.
  4. There are dogs and horses on the prayer list.
  5. Nobody opens an eye when they hear the Preacher spit half way through the openin’ prayer.
  6. You hear a first time cowboy visitor tell the Preacher, “Well h*** Preacher, if it don’t make it as a church, it’d make a great bar.” To which the Preacher responds, “Thanks Billy, I really do appreciate that.”
  7. You cannot find any chicken or salad at the pot luck lunch. Only beef, beans, and taters.
  8. The sermon includes the words: colic, alfalfa, snot, Winchester, cockle-bur, Pitman Arms, and de-wormer.
  9. The Lord’s Supper is conducted with flour tortillas.
  10. And last but not least — Nobody hesitates to welcome in the biggest, meanest, filthiest, beer drinkin’-est,  been divorced four timen-est, momma that’s nevr’ been married-est, and un-shavenest sinners that can be found.

Cowboy Church is not a fad. It’s not a “clean-up first and then come to Christ” community of believers. Cowboy Church is a place where we love the sinner, but hate the sin. It’s a place where your “relationship” with Jesus is put above your “religion”.

Cowboy Church isn’t for everyone. It’s for those of us who love the smell of brandin’ calves and would jump in front of a bear to save that same calf. We’re definitely not tryin’ to make people leave the pews and head for the hay bales, but if you like to watch a campfire burnin’ low, love the sight of a horse grazin’ at sundown, or know the day the buzzards came back, then Cowboy Church might be for you.

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  • Missy

    Does this include small fluffy white dogs that think they are 8 foot tall and bullet proof? Don’t worry the boyfriend has a real dog but I gotta have my girly dog too. I can’t tell you how great what you are doing is. Your church is a true gift to the community and I will definitely be coming back. Now if I can just get Jeremy to go when he makes it down this way.

    • Kevin

      Thanks Missy. We enjoyed havin’ ya’ll Sunday. Yes you can bring your little fluffy white dog, but no complainin’ if some cow dog thinks it is a marshmallow and eats it.

      Just tell him ya’ll are going to the Feed Store. You don’t have to dress any different and that’s what we do–Feed God’s Word.

      God Bless you and wanna be dog.

  • Joe W. Baxter

    I go to a cowboy church. I have for several month. It is very simular to every church. I have experenced several good common sence sermons. Try it, I bet you like it.

    • Kevin

      Thanks for the comment Joe. I hope you enjoyed your visit to the site. Come back soon and God Bless.

  • Kevin,

    I don’t often communicate with other web sites; but I have drafted as webmaster for the Parker County Cowboy Church.

    I was searching the web for good graphics and ran into your site. To say the least I was beyond impressed . . . . you folks have done a job that would make a Hollywood writer proud. Your content and layout is suburb; easy to read and navigate through, with touches of humor and gospel expertly combined. This time of year everyone is as busy as a one legged scateboarder going up hill. But, if you find a moment I would liketo talk to you regarding how you manage to put such an entertaining newsletter.

    Thanks for the time you spent reading this note and I hope to hear from you soon.

    With Gods help have a Merry christmas and happy hollidays,

    Scot M. Blackford
    uController Solutions, Inc.
    President, Systems Architect/Retired
    812 Castlemount Street
    Willow Park, TX 76087
    phone (817) 441-8824
    cell (303) 549-0136
    812 Castlemount Street
    Willow Park, TX 76087

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