Genesis 7 – The Flood Story Part 2 (Simplified Cowboy Version)

by Kevin on December 12, 2010

Well, you waddies did right by these cattle today, got ‘em to water  early ‘nuff we can settle in for the second part of this story ‘round noon chuck. If you was a ridin’ and miss’d the first ‘un. Mosey on back over yonder way and catch up.

We’ll let ‘em water a bit, Ranny you and Segundo keep an eye on ‘em whilst I instruct these young ‘uns. Y’all have rode with me long ‘nuff to have heer’d this at least a couple a times. Now fellas get yer chuck and a cuppa coffee and lissen up…

The Outfit flooded out!

1 When she was all done, the Boss said to Noah, “Y’all get on in that boat, you an’ yer family, for amongst all the hands on My outfit, I can see that you alone are My only righteous top-hand.

2 Take ya seven pair—male and female—of each critter I have approved for eatin’ and for sacrifice, and take one pair a each a the others.

3 Also take ya seven pair a ever’ kinda bird. There’s gotta be a male and a female in each pair to ensure that all life will survive on the outfit after the flood.

4 A week from now I’m a-gonna make the rains pour down on the outfit. And it’s a-gonna rain for forty days and forty nights, until I have rubbed out from this here outfit all the livin’ things I have created.”

5 So Noah, bein’ the top-hand that he was, did ever’thing just like the Boss ordered him to do.

6 Noah was 600 years old when the flood covered the outfit.

7 He went on board the boat to escape the flood—he and his Missus and his boys and their wives.

8 With ‘em were all kinds a animals—those approved for eatin’ and for sacrifice and those that weren’t—along with all the birds and the small critters that scamper ‘long the ground.

9 They entered the boat in pairs, male and female, just as The Boss had ordered Noah.

10 After a week, the waters of the flood came and covered the outfit.

11 When Noah was 600 years old, on the seventeenth day of the second month, all the underground springs and creeks erupted from underneath the outfit, and the rain fell by the barrel full from the sky.

12 The rain continued to fall for forty days and forty nights.

13 That very day Noah had gone into the boat with his Missus and his boys—Shem, Ham, and Japheth—and their wives.

14 With ‘em in the boat were pairs a ever’ kind a critter—domestic and wild, large an’ small—along with birds a ever’ kind.

15 Two by two they came inta the boat, representin’ ever’ livin’ thing that breathes.

16 A male and female a each kind entered, just as The Boss had ordered Noah. Then The Boss closed the door behind ‘em.

17 Fer forty days the floodwaters grew deeper, coverin’ the ground and liftin’ the boat high above the old outfit.

18 As the waters rose higher and higher above the ground, the boat floated safely on the surface.

19Finally, the water covered even the highest mountains on the old outfit

20 risin’ more than twenty-two feet ‘bove the highest peaks.

21 All the livin’ things on the old outfit died—birds, domestic animals, wild animals, small critters that scamper along the ground, and all the folks.

22 Ever’thing that breathed and lived on dry land died.

23 The Boss rubbed out ever’ livin’ thing on the old outfit—people, livestock, small critters that scamper along the ground, and the birds of the sky. All was rubbed out. The only folks wut survived was Noah and those with him in the boat.

24 And the floodwaters covered the earth for 150 days.

That’s five months fer those of you wut cain’t count, pert near half a year. Neither of which times we got to get this herd to the rail-head. Finish up yer chuck, get the plates to coosie, and lets move ‘em to a bed ground on the other side of this creek, there’s a storm a brewin’ and y’all best think about sleepin’ in yer leggin’s tonight. I wouldn’t bet agin ‘em runnin, and when they do I want ‘em on the other side. I just had to tell y’all a story ‘bout a real flood lest y’all start moanin’ ‘bout wut’s comin at ya outta those hills over yonder.

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