Jesus doesn’t want something from you, he wants this for you.

by Kevin on October 20, 2010

Zeke pondered on just how long he had felt like there was nothin’ to live for as he saddled his horse. Day after day, life just seemed to be an endless repeat of sadness, sprinkled with a few grins. The saddle seemed to groan as he lifted his weight off the ground and into the saddle. He wondered if he had cinched up the saddle tight enough to handle his heavy heart.

There was no destination in mind as he set his horse to a long trot. He just felt the urge to go. Zeke didn’t know if it felt like he was running from something or going to it. He just knew that when life felt like too much, he needed a good long ride to clear his mind.

Zeke’s heart seemed broken. No injury or cause was to blame for the brokenness. It seemed like life had slowly dealt little blows, to small to notice at the time, and the minute barrage had finally succeeded.

As he rode, he tried desperately to search for some beauty in his ugly little world. He did notice things like the smell of early mornin’ dew. He felt the chill of comin’ fall and how the leaves seemed to have been painted with colors only he could enjoy. But all of this was like a sunset in a picture. He knew it was real, it just didn’t seem real to him.

He wondered how he could feel like such a captive in such a wide open country. His captivity was a prison that went with him where ever he roamed. He never felt free.

Zeke knew that his life was meant for something more. He knew that he didn’t live his life the way it was intended to be lived. He felt like a prisoner who had been sentenced to life without parole for a crime that could not be named.

The thought of something more for his life caused him to pull his horse to a stop. He looked around at all the beauty set before him and for the first time in his life, he wondered about God. He believed in God, but God was something far, far away and wouldn’t think twice about a speck of a man like him.

In the silence, he searched for the God of the stories he had heard as a child. Something pulled at him from the depths of his broken heart, from the bondage of his captivity, and the life sentence of his prison. At first he resisted. He tried to shake it off, but the call seemed to get louder.

He kicked his horse into a lope, tryin’ to run from the feelin’ inside him. The feelin’ to turn it all loose. The yearnin’ to let go. But the faster he ran, the louder the call and the harder his soul pulled on the reins. Finally, he stopped runnin’.

There in the silence, horse and cowboy breathin’ smoke into the crispness of the mornin’, he prayed his first prayer. It wasn’t with head bowed and eyes closed. It didn’t start with formality or fancy words. His heart spoke with words his mouth could not utter and his soul listened with ears his body didn’t possess.

“Who are you and what could you possibly want with me?”

And Jesus answered him. The God that had seemed so far away now seemed inside him and had sent his Son to speak directly to him. The answer he got wasn’t what Jesus wanted from him, but what Jesus wanted for him.

He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. –Isaiah 61:1

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  • Don Coyote

    There’s not a whole lot to say after a story like that…other than: been there with a similar outcome.

    • Kevin

      I think most Christian cowboys would say the same. I just hope this simple story will reach a cowboy who is right there….right now.

      • Don Coyote

        Here’s hopin’…and prayin’

  • One prayer that will never go unanswered is the broken heart calling out in desperation.

    • Kevin

      So true….Desperation is the heart cryin’ out for what it needs most for the only thing that can fix it.

      • Don Coyote

        I once heard an old time preacher say that every one of us has a God shaped hole in our hearts, right through the middle. Only HE can fill it.

  • Psalm 8:3-5 (New International Version)

    3 When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, 4 what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? 5 You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.

    I think it is common for all of us from time to time to feel lost, alone, out of place, confused, minute, etc… in the vast world God has created. My prayer is that those feeling lead to an awakening in our heart that God wants us to draw near to him instead of us giving into despair.

    • Kevin

      Thanks for that great scripture Larry. No matter where we all are, we can all stand to look at God and his Son in a brand new way through the power of the Holy Spirit.

  • Kyle Gleason

    Thanks Kevin, this message is very fitting in my life right now.

    • Kevin

      I am glad it spoke to your ears that your body does not have Kyle. God Bless you!!

  • Sonya Wentzel

    Thank you for sharing that. That could be me. Went for a ride this weekend feeling that same feeling. Very difficult things going on in my life right now and a long ride is a temporary fix but Jesus is THE FIX!!!

    • Kevin

      Climbing on the back of a horse puts us a little closer to God. I think this is why I always have thoughts of him. I know that’s just a figurative closeness, but it seems to help me. I will pray that God will send you the peace you need to endure the trial of the trail you’re on.

  • What a beautiful story. Thanks, Kevin.

    I can so relate to this; I think most of us can. Even those of us who know Him often forget who He is, that we are dead and newly alive in Him, that we have all things and are full in Him. We need these moments throughout our lives. For some reason it’s easy to wander back into that prison and then forget that the door is never again going to be closed for us.

    • Kevin

      Cindy, I struggle with this each and every day. I know that there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, but I put myself in that prison often. I cannot earn or pay back the sacrifice that was made on my behalf. I just strive to keep Him foremost in my mind every day and let His light shine.

  • Joe Lopez

    Kevin I’ve known you for a lot of years and it’s good to see that you’ve become a man of God. For many years I’ve been waiting to make sure that I wasn’t a hypocrite for going to church and trying to serve God. I finally realized that is no right time to serve him, it’s come as you are. I struggle everyday with my own short commings and faults, by I know in my heart that God has something planned for me and I can’t wait. I never in a million years would have considered being a preacher, but now that seems possible for me. I still have a long way to go, but I think that will be my ultimate goal. I really don’t know what he has in store for me but it will be wonderous.

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