The Cowboy Mentorship Program – B.U.R.P.

by Kevin on March 31, 2011

Dear Professional Church Person,

I’d like to personally thank you for expressing interest in mentoring one of our new Christian Cowboys. Because of the massive amount of feedback, we have formed an organization called Being Under Religious People…better known as B.U.R.P.

In case you haven’t heard, and as a warning to boot, this fellow is as raw a Christian as you’ll ever come across. He’s liable to do things that might make you want to pull your holy hair out, but if you’ll just guide him a long in love and patience, one of you is bound to learn something.

Snotty (that’s not his real name, just what his mama calls him) didn’t try to clean up his act before he came to the Lord. He was out in the pasture durin’ calvin’ season and he realized he was a sinner and was in danger of goin’ to hell.

This happened after pullin’ a big calf out of its mama with the temperature hoverin’ just above a goose egg. He had more of that birth on him than the baby calf did when it was all said and done.

He tried to wash up with the snow that was on the ground because he wasn’t gonna use his whiskey to wash up with. He was gonna use that to warm himself up on the inside while the fire he built was a warmin’ him up on the outside.

All this warmin’ inside and out sure made his eyelids get heavy and Snotty passed smooth out and fell in the fire. It was this sensation that made Snotty realize hell would be a tad bit uncomfortable.

When he comes and stays with you during this mentor program, there will be a few things you need to be made aware of.

Snotty isn’t going to dress up in a coat and tie to attend church, but he’ll be the first one in the truck on Sunday morning. His boots won’t be polished, but he can tell you whether a book is in the New Testament or the Old Testament.

He can’t tell you what the scripture says word for word, but he can tell you that Jesus died for sinners like him.

You couldn’t pull a correct note out of Snotty’s throat with a draft horse, but you can see his eyes light up when he hears a song from his Grandma’s church he attended a couple of times when he was little.

When he prays, he’s liable to use a lot of “dangs” and even a few “sorry for the stupid sh@* I’ve done”. He’s not bein’ blasphemous, he’s bein’ honest with God. Give him time. And just so you know, he’ll probably have to spit twice before his prayer is over.

I haven’t seen our cowboy wash his hands before a meal, but he’ll jump down your throat if you don’t say grace over the food—especially if it’s meat and taters with sweet tea or coffee.

Snotty doesn’t know about sanctification or predestination or even Pentecost, but he knows that Jesus died for sinners like him and he knows he don’t deserve such a gift.

In closing, Snotty ain’t perfect, but neither are you. He’s got a real good thing goin’ and he’s not gonna be anyone but who God made him to be. Don’t expect one fellow on Sunday and another on Monday. He’s the salt of the earth and if you pay close attention, you might just learn something about the true nature of God’s love, forgiveness, and mercy.

Thank you for your mentorship once again.


Kevin Belcher

B.U.R.P. President

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  • Carla Helms

    Love it!

    • Kevin

      LOL Thanks Carla.

  • God is so good to us… Thank-you! for posting this.. I can totally relate to Snotty.. I love Jesus and have give my life to Him, but.. I could’t get up and quote you a Bible verse by heart.. and everyday is a New day in the Lord.. But I will share how god has worked in my life to everyone! God Bless You!

    • Kevin

      “…I will share how god has worked in my life to everyone..” That’s throwin’ your rope honest and true. Thanks for fulfillin’ the Great Cow-mission!!

  • Greg Box

    Boy howdy I can relate, and I’m so very grateful that by the Grace of God he truly has the reins in his hands over my life each and everyday- Praise Be To God – Amen!!!!

    Awesome Devotional Cowboy- Thank You For All You Do Through Him Cowboy.

    All God’s Blessings To You And Your Family,

    Greg Box
    Midland, Texas

    • Kevin

      God bless ya for sayin’ that Greg…right back at ya.

  • Don Coyote

    Now me an’ Snotty, we had that warmin’ up thing goin’ on. Only ‘stead of a fire I woke up in a puddle a my own blood. Wife and kids two weeks gone an’ nowhere fer me ta go an’ only one Livin’ Bein’ fer me ta turn to…guess ya can figger out Who.

    • Kevin

      I think most cowboys can relate to what your sayin’. The circumstances will differ, but the outcome is the same.

      • Don Coyote

        I sure do hope so, ’cause what me an’ ol’ Snotty got goin’ on now…ain’t nobody can take it away.

  • If I am ever in charge of anything in a church ever again, Snotty will be the second person I invite to be a guest speaker. The first will be you. Aboslutely freakin’ awesome, Kevin. I hope this really makes some “church people” people angry, ’cause then you’ll know the people who needed to read it did read it. Keep the faith, brother!

    • Kevin

      And I’ll be there!!

  • Keith Bodwell

    Love it! I think many people in our churches need to read this.

    • Kevin

      Thanks Keith!!

  • Mike McMurry

    Reminds me of someone I know (knew) …ME!!! Good job!

    • Kevin

      One of your awesome stories are gonna show up here pretty soon…probably the one about Ortego.

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