The Fall Guy

by Kevin on November 15, 2012

Something happened to me today that hasn’t happened in a very long time. I have made fun of people for doing this and it has provided endless hours of childish entertainment for me while making fun of my mother. My wife isn’t even exempt from my ruthlessness when it comes to this particular subject.

I went to break ice this morning for the horses. I have very little experience with this particular chore because in Texas I only had to do it about twice a year. Now it is twice a day.

I moved the trough up by the house so I could just walk outside and break the ice. It also afforded me the opportunity to see the horses each day without chasing them all over tarnation. In order to get to the water trough, I have to either walk all the way around a particular area or I can cut across. This cutting across maneuver involves going down a set of cross tie steps. Cowboys are great at cutting across.

In the not too recent past, I bought a pair of cowboy boots. I searched high and low for just the right pair. It’s hard to find them with a riding heel and leather soles anymore. It’s not impossible, but it ain’t easy either.

Now one thing about a leather sole is that it has about as much traction as bar of soap in the bottom of a shower.

So I go to cut across in my leather soled boots and I look down these steps that are covered in ice. Being a sensible human, I turned and went the long way around.

And if you believe that I’ve got a great kid horse I’d like to sell you.

These steps have tilted ever so slightly to the front. I guess what I mean is that each one has a downward slope to it. That, coupled with the fact that the cross tie steps are turned so that the step is on the narrow end and covered in ice to boot, makes these steps somewhat counterfeit on a warm spring day.

It is not a warm spring day today.

I was halfway down this treacherous slope when I finally figured out that this wasn’t such a good idea. But, it was just as far back up as it was down so I continued. I shouldn’t have.

Please take a moment and place your right foot behind your head. Next, take your left hand and place it in your right front pocket. This gets you in a better position to visualize what happened next.

I felt it as soon as I put my weight on my right foot. It was like a rug had been pulled out from underneath me. Better yet, I felt like someone had magically heeled me and then dallied quick. My right foot vacated that step in an upward trajectory without nary a warning. If not for my hip joint, I think that foot would have kept on going.

For just a moment, time stood still. Several things were apparent and none of ‘em were good. I was going to fall and there wasn’t a dang thing I could do to stop it. You know, sometimes it’s better just to slip and fall on your butt instead of trying to recover during mid-fall.

I twirled around like an olympic diver with a foot behind his head and stuck out both hands. My left hand got tangled up in my right leg and just kind of gave up. My right hand on the other hand (LOL) shot forward in an attempt to stop my fall. It connected with a cross tie step and was rewarded with a splinter underneath the fingernail.

Few things hurt as bad as that…or so I thought at the moment.

My hand found about as much traction as my boot did. It also slid on the ice and into the step above it, jamming two fingers. My elbow, not wanting to be left out, then collided with a cross tie of its own and there wasn’t anything funny about that.

I then performed the best belly flop on a set of stairs that has ever been attempted; then slid down the stairs like a cartoon character.

People ask me all the time: Do you miss Texas? Do you like Colorado?

I love the beauty of Colorado and sure do miss the sunsets of Texas. I don’t like the cold and ice, but I really don’t miss it being 1500 degrees either.

But really, it doesn’t matter to me. All I care about is being where the Lord wants me to be. I will not be satisfied until I reach those eternal pastures. Until then, I’ll fall a few times and that’s ok. You can laugh at me. Lord knows I’ve laughed at others.

If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. Hebrews 11:15-16

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