The Olympics Need Some Cowboy Added…and here’s how it can be done

by Kevin on August 1, 2012

The Cowboy Culture is the only culture that I can think of that celebrates its wrecks. Listen to a couple of cowboys and/or cowgirls telling stories and there will always be tales of hitting the ground, getting kicked, or rope burns in the strangest places.

With this idea in mind, I would like to propose to the Olympic committee a few minor changes that will keep people talking for years instead of waiting for years to have anything to talk about.

Fencing

Give both of those ninja wannabes a three foot yellow hot shot and the winner is the one who doesn’t tap out.

Badminton

Pair this event with some redneck duck hunters (Duck Dynasty fellas could probably come up with some neat ideas) and have them try to shoot the “bird” as it flies over the net.

Gymnastics

Floor Routine: Add some electric fencing…You know, the kind that makes your left leg go numb and paralyzes your prostate when you even get close to it.

Balance Beam: Put some barn pigeon dookie on there. That stuff is slicker’n a Murphy’s Gold polished church pew.

Uneven Bars: Why is this even a sport? I’ve seen people do that stuff when they see a snake in the barn.

Vault: That thing they put their hands on after they jump off the diving board is called a horse. Take that wooden thing off of there and replace it with a two-year old appaloosa. I’d record that.

Ribbon Dancing: Put an old crotchety bull known to hook in there with ’em while they’re running around and twirling that ribbon. Longest one to stay in wins. Kind of like bull poker in spandex.

Rings: Put a kid with piñata experience underneath ’em with an aluminum bat. Every time he comes down, their dad can yell, “Swing now, son!”

Swimming

Add a couple dozen big alligator gar in the pool and while the swimming is going on, have a couple of bass fishermen try to snag ’em with a double treble lure. Better yet, let the archery guys try to shoot the gar and reel them in during the last leg of the relay.

Cycling

The final stretch needs the hill that was in the movie The Man From Snowy River. The riders would jump a fence on their bike and then pray. There are no atheists when you go over that ledge.

Equestrian

Add a mounted shooting run to the pattern. The contestant must hold the reins in their teeth and fire a six shooter from both hands just like John Wayne did in True Grit.

Taekwondo

The final three medalists will duel for the gold by trying to get past a Catahoula cow dog and get a saddle out of the back of a cowboy’s pick-up.

Track and Field

I don’t care how far you can throw a plate or a cannonball. Add post hole digging (not with an auger, with a set of five foot dirt spoons) on some of the places I’ve lived and I will be amazed by your strength and endurance.

But seriously…

Some people actually think the same way about Christianity as I do the Olympics. They think its boring and you can’t have any fun. Not true!

It’s just that their version of Christianity is all bible tracts and turn yer backs.

I have had more fun being a Christian than I ever did living in sin…and I remember all the fun. I don’t have to hear about it from my buddies the next day. I’m not talking about fake fun like bingo, ice cream socials, or singing the family of God with a bunch of people you only hang out with on Sundays.

I’m talking about ridin’ for the Lord. Not just a trail ride kind of life. I’m referring to a “takin’ the outside-whoop and spur-rope tied on” kind of ride. It’s rough, fun, full of wrecks, and there is no better life to ever be lived.

And one final note…

Rodeo will never be an Olympic sport because there is only five or six countries that have tough enough cowboys and cowgirls to compete.

What would you change to make the Olympics more fun?

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  • Ed

    I’d make it rodeo. Watchin’ rodeo is a whole lot more fun and exciting than the Olympics. Bronc and steer riding make track events tame by comparison. Besides, rodeo is primarily by people who work for a living and do rodeo for fun (I’m talking about ranch rodeo, but professional rodeo is lots of fun to watch too.)

  • Walter

    Make water polo horseback in a river. Just like regular polo only you have to contend with the current, soft sandy spots and large rocks.

  • I had similar thoughts today. Except we set up a canvas wall tent at the county fair, offering friendship, fellowship, cool water and bibles to any that may want one. Live music, roping dummies (steer heads not fairgoers) and a shady place to sit.
    The variety of people is astounding. They are NOT ranch people! Pray for us in this ministry this week at the fair, we are holding a worship service there right out on the lawn Sunday.
    I had great fun today, clean Christian fun. I hope the folks we visited with today saw that cowboys and cowgirls that happen to be Christians are fun.
    Regarding the Olympics, I think the rifle shooters should shoot an apple of their coaches head, that would be exciting. And they should replace discus with dried cowpies, any farm or ranch kid is already expert level.

  • This just in….
    http://www.ktvz.com/sports/2012-olympics/Olympic-badminton-players-expelled-in-scandal/-/12407606/15906422/-/dvjtbh/-/index.html

    “British sports fans going into the Olympic Park on Wednesday called the scandal “shocking” after seeing parts of the matches on television.”
    and guilty of “abusing or demeaning the sport.”

    That may be a stretch, but I would have loved watching teams lose on purpose.

  • Actually rodeo was a demonstration sport at the Calgary Olympics, US vs. Canada teams. I know Molly Powell won gold in the barrel racing and the US took the team title, not sure about the rest of the events.

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