Warning: 14 Things You Should Never Say To A Cowboy Preacher

by Kevin on March 8, 2012

“I have a great idea! I think you should use a cowboy puppet to read the bible verses when you preach.”

“I’d like to introduce you to a [insert denomination here] preacher I know. I think he could teach you how to have real church.”

“I have a pipe organ I’d like to donate to the church.”

“Are you a real cowboy?”

“I want to know what you’re going to do about that cowboy that started beating on the Indian drum and chanting during my flute rendition of Holy, Holy, Holy?”

“Have you ever considered making interpretive dance a part of your music ministry?”

“Why does it smell like cow manure in here?”

“Who is Freckles Brown?”

“If these cowboys can bring their cowdogs, do you think it’d be ok if I brought my cat?”

“What do I have to do to be in leadership? I have lots of experience! I’ve been in leadership in every church I’ve left.”

“Why did someone rope my feet when I suggested a healing ministry?”

“This building is way too manly.”

“I had to park next to a horse tied to a trailer and it pooped right by my door. Can you ask the man to clean it up?”

And finally….

“If you were a real preacher, you wouldn’t have so many lost cowboys coming to your church.”

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Add one of your own in the comments!! Or better yet, I’d love to see what y’all think some of the cowboy preacher’s responses would be! lol

Which was your favorite?

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  • lori bennett

    so you work on Sundays, isn’t that against the rules.

    • Kevin

      No doubt Lori!! I’ve actually also had people ask me, “Do you work?”

  • I can just see you with a cowboy hand puppet singing along with that pipe organ, while you do your interpretive dance! HA…too funny…

    • Kevin

      Let’s add this one to the list of never saying to a cowboy preacher…

      “I can just see you with a cowboy hand puppet singing along with that pipe organ, while you do your interpretive dance!”

      Pardon me while I go outside and let a horse kick me in the face so I can feel like a man again.

  • Judy

    What is a “real church?”
    (60 yrs later, I still have not figured that one out or gotten a good answer.)

    • Kevin

      Yeah, that one gets me to.

      There was a quote that I will adapt to this subject: “We can safely assume that we have created God in our image when He only likes the same churches you do.”

    • it is my thinking according to the word of God, that the people are the church. when Jesus comes for his church if i;m not already with him , then I planning on going with him then. because I am one of the church. whatever would the savior need with a pipe organ, when there are choirs of angles singing all the time

  • Dana

    I say, Thank God if you have lost cowboys coming to your church. If not, you would just be preaching to the choir, so to speak! To me that means your not only a real preacher, but a “real” preacher.

    • Kevin

      Thanks Dana!! (A lot of people won’t catch that.)

  • Roger

    I say, save the cowboys. Preach the word, do puppets if you want to, and don’t park next to the horse. Tie up somehwere else.

  • walt taylor

    “Why do we have to sit on hay bales and metal folding chairs? Don’t you have any of those hard seated high backed wooden pews?”

  • Pathfinder

    “If these cowboys can bring their cowdogs, do you think it’d be ok if I brought my cat?”

    That one ain’t got anything to do with church, that would just a good time anywhere that cat showed up with those cowdogs!!

    “This building is way too manly.”

    If that’s even remotely true, you should print that over your front door! A God-centered house of worship that didn’t push men away is an awesome experience.

  • Stephen

    As a member of and spoke leader of the production team at Bar None Cowboy Church, Tatum, TX, I find this very very accurate and funny! And yes, Our beloved Mr. Tom brings his dog into the church, there is horse poop in the parking lot and we dunk ’em in a water trough with a makeshift heater in a coffee can! Cats? NO WAY unless they can work a cow! Thanks!

  • Jean Nelsen

    I say bring the cats, turn it loose with the cow dogs, see what happens and call it an interpretive dance!

  • Great quotes. When I lived in Oklahoma, I actually was in a church where an Indian started chanting during the alter call. And the “I’ve been in leadership in every church I’ve left” is priceless. Thanks, keep it up.

  • the people are the chuch

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