What would happen if cowboys searched for Bigfoot, Nessie, and aliens?

by Kevin on November 2, 2010

For years, there are things that humans have been searchin’ for. Books have been written. Legends have been passed down from generation to generation. Expeditions have been organized and lives have even been lost. I think it’s time we finally called in some cowboys, their horses, and their cowdogs to help find some of these things.

1. Bigfoot

We didn’t hear anything from Jed for years. Jed and his black mouth cur dog went in search of Bigfoot in the Pacific Northwest. When he finally made it back to Texas, we asked if he had found anything. Jed told us that his dog had nearly died of dehydration. Seems Cletus felt compelled to pee on every tree he came to. And there was a mess of trees up there.

Jed did find Bigfoot. Cletus tracked that old monster right up to his cave. Jed roped him, but wasn’t very impressed with his catch. Seems Bigfoot was the right color, but didn’t have enough ear. He crossed old Bigfoot with with a Santa Gertrudis cow and now runs a herd of Santa Foot-trudis on government land in Oregon. He won’t let anyone know where the herd is until the Southwest Cattle Raisers Association will recognize it as a new herd.

2. Loch Ness Monster

DJ seemed like the perfect cowboy to send out to look for old Nessie. His two favorite things to do were bass fishing and team roping. We watched as he loaded his Bass Tracker with rods, reels, trollin’ motor, and depth finder. If there was a lunker in Scotland, DJ was sure to find it.

DJ had been gone for about 2 weeks when we realized that his boat was still behind his barn. We all wondered what had happened, but we noticed that his horse and trailer were gone.

Finally, DJ showed back up a couple of months later. He didn’t find the Loch Ness Monster. Seems he didn’t know he couldn’t drive his Ford all the way to Scotland. He had decided to take his head horse instead of the bass boat because he could ride the horse on the shore and look for the big fish, but still team rope in the evenings. If he just took the boat, all he could do was fish.

He made it all the way to New Jersey before he realized he wasn’t going to make it across the big pond. So he decided to hit some jack pot ropings up there and those guys couldn’t rope. DJ was makin’ a killing. He finally headed back in shame when a girl from New York City out roped him. We didn’t have the heart to tell him that she was from Texas. All the good lookin’ models in New York City come from ranches in Texas and Argentina (and those gals can all rope).

3. Aliens

It only took Stan and Virgil one week to find proof that aliens existed. They reasoned that anything that came from outer space probably smelled a little different than anything on earth. This assumption was made after a big meal of pinto beans somewhere in New Mexico.

They set out and tracked a couple of buzzards all the way to San Francisco. Within five minutes of crossing the Golden Gate Bridge, they headed back to Texas. They still refuse to speak of the incident.

4. God

We tried to send out cowboys to search for God. Many of them agreed, but none of them left their ranches. Seemed God resided right there on their home spreads.

Jim said he found proof of God in the smile of his little girl. Dan heard God in the early mornin’ call of a momma cow. Larry shook the hand of God when a friend came to visit him after a bad accident. Smiley felt God when he forgave an old enemy for cheatin’ him. William found God in the dirt as he hit his knees in prayer for his wife that was sick.

These cowboys didn’t find God in some fancy religious practice. They found God in their hearts when they finally opened up their blind eyes.

Jeremiah 29:13

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

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  • Don Coyote

    Unfortunately this caught me with a mouthful of coffee which is now dripping down the off-side wall of my office, and some running out my nose.

    Bramfoots! F1 cross on a Santa Gertrudis would be a San Foo-tudis? That made me laugh so hard my gut still hurts.

    And then there’s #4.

    Yep, look up and see a sky full of stars, there’s God. Rain clouds a-comin’ at the end of dry season–there He is again (still). Mist comin’ off the creek at sunup, roosters crowin, and life so full and good, and there He is to receive my thanks, such as it is. And a million other places and situations.

    • Kevin

      I wish I would have thought of Santa Foot-tudis. I might have to go back and change it. Now you got me laughing!!!

  • Don Coyote

    I cain’t stop

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