When I Read #11, I Shot Coffee Through My Nose

by Kevin on July 30, 2015

Having a cowboy as a friend is like having an eight gauge shotgun: Everyone thinks it’s cool, but it really just makes a lot of noise and kicks the crap out of you.

So I’ve compiled a list of things to expect if you suddenly find yourself hanging out with a cowboy.

1. He will not be there for you when you get bucked off…He’s the reason you got bucked off.

2. Just because he tells the waitress to put it all on one check does not mean that he has any money.

3. Possession of an item is more valuable than ownership of the item.

4. Hanging out with him on the weekend will result in longer hours and harder work than you did all week.

5. He will never get into an argument with any less than 6’4″ and 250 lbs.

6. If he is willing to argue about it, he is willing to fight about it. Arguing is just fight foreplay.

7. He’s always riding a colt. He says he has a good horse, but you’ve never seen it.

8. He will kiss your wife…right in front of you…and not mean a thing by it. And his wife will be glad she didn’t have to.

9. Never let him touch anything mechanical. No, I mean it…even if he says he can fix it.

10. It’s a lot of work worrying what everyone thinks. He’s too lazy to be self-conscious…that’s why everyone likes him.

11. He’s got feelings like everyone else does…he also has back hair and that never stopped him from taking his shirt off at the hotel pool…that he didn’t have a room at, but he was just hot and thought swimming sounded fun.

12. He’s going to flirt with the waitress, her mom, the hostess, your dog, your wife, your daughter’s friend (he has a little bit of class), any female over 15 and less than dead, and especially that lady cop that is asking him to get out of the pool.

13. You’ll say this a lot when you are around him, “Why the hell don’t you do it?”

14. He can cook one thing better than anyone else in the world. Find out what that is quickly and don’t eat anything else he offers.

15. If you’re honest, he won’t be the best friend you ever had, but he will be one of the most memorable.

It’s your turn! What is number 16?

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:10

look at their friends

 

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© Kevin Weatherby, 2015

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  • Erin E McEndree

    He won’t take his boots off…ever. Even if they have mud and muck on them, he will walk through the house. He falls asleep with them on. He has them off between 2-6am because that is when he finally came to bed after falling asleep in his Lazy Boy and when he wakes up to get to work again. (by the way: change color of words. they can’t be read)

    • Kevin Weatherby

      Thanks for the comment and the color has been changed. And I’d sleep in bed with mine if my wife would let me.

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