Why cowboys were left out of the Bible.

by Kevin on July 20, 2010

Kara Nehring McMurtrey photo

All across this great country, there is a new phenomenon that is springing up in small country towns as well as in big metropolitan cities. The Cowboy Church movement is bringing in those hard working, hard living, and mostly hard headed cowboys and cowgirls. These folks have had their walk with God for a long time, but until now, they just didn’t have a place to go where they felt like they were understood.

One reason they have felt so misunderstood was the fact that they are not very well represented in the Bible.The financial and government sectors have their tax collector Levi as representation. The musicians have David to look up to. The academics have Solomon, and the WWF fanatics have Samson. Construction workers have Nehemiah, and theologians have more choices than World Cup Soccer has fans. Even your second cousin that ruins every family reunion by making an idiot out of himself has Peter.

But no matter how many times you try to tell cowboys that the shepherd and sheep ideology is their representation, they just don’t see it. There just aren’t any stories about tearing out across the pasture on your best horse and roping a wild cow. That’s what they can relate to. I hate to say it, but I think that there is a reason cowboys are not represented well in the Good Book. If cowboys and cowgirls would have been around, things might have turned out just a little bit different than God had wanted.

Let’s look at five people and see why God didn’t allow these babies to grow up and be cowboys (and cowgirls).

1. Adam

He would’ve shot that snake in the garden with some buckshot, and then cut it’s head off and hung the body in a mesquite tree so it would rain.

2. Jacob

He would have had no problem working cattle for Laban for seven years to get the hottie named Rachel. But when he was double crossed at the wedding, he would have beat the living snot out of Laban and probably shot him with that old shotgun that had been passed down from Grandaddy Adam. He would have pulled a Josey Wales and spit Beech Nut snuff on the double crosser for good measure as he rode off into the sunset with Leah and Rachel.

3. Joshua and Caleb

When Moses sent the twelve spies into the land of Canaan to scope it out, they would not have brought back a bunch of grapes. Joshua and Caleb would have come back with a Dodge Dually pick-up, a 2,400 pound purebred Angus bull, two tons of alfalfa hay, and seven yards of real fancy lace for the ladies. To top it off, they would show off the shotgun they had traded Jacob out of for a three-legged mule and a pound of hard candy.

4. David

The sling and stone would never have been on the battlefield. Instead, David would have pulled out a .44 magnum and told Goliath, “Are you feeling lucky punk? Go ahead, make my day.”

5. Martha

If she had been a cowgirl, she wouldn’t run whining to Jesus about Mary not helping her. She would have marched into the living room and jerked her up by her hair and told her to get in there and mash them taters before she got her teeth knocked out.

So what do cowboys and cowgirls have to look forward to? They are totally pumped up and frothing at the mouth because of two simple verses in Revelations. It talks about them. They have found their place in the Bible and they are totally cool with only these verses for representation.

Revelations 19:11,14 – I seen heaven’s gate standin’ wide open and there before me was a white ranch horse, whose cowboy is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war….The cowboys of heaven’s armies were following him, riding on white ranch horses and dressed in pearl snap shirts, white and clean. (Simplified Cowboy Version)

What other Bible characters can you think of that might have changed the course of history if they had been cowboys and cowgirls?

If anyone wants to say that the farmers back then were the equivalent of today’s cowboys, I have a hot shot that’s equivalent to a police issue stun gun with your name on it.

If you know a cowboy or cowgirl that might like this, please use one of the methods below and share it with them.

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  • I am cracking up right now…I think Elijah would have been an awesome cowboy with his showdown with the bad boys of Baal at Mount Carmel!

    • Kevin

      I should have thought of that one Nolan. You could also say the same for Aaron and Moses against Pharaoh’s magicians.

  • Finally, a preacher who tawks my language! Keep all the good stuff coming!

    • Kevin

      Right back at ya David. You have been puttin’ out some great stuff about Real Texas!!!

  • That’s a great post Kevin, really enjoyed it. I’m not really a cowgirl but I think it would be cool to be one. I can dream :).

  • Becky

    Ahh. Wrong website on the last post..try again.

    That’s a great post Kevin, really enjoyed it. I’m not really a cowgirl but I think it would be cool to be one. I can dream .

  • Wait a minute, what about the Maccabean revolt? I mean those books are only in the catholic bible, but that’s got to be some strong cowboy/girl character going on right there….granted rev 19:11, 14 SCV is much better.

  • Pingback: Tweets that mention Why cowboys were left out of the Bible. — Campfire Cowboy Ministries -- Topsy.com()

  • Oh. My. Goodness. This is hysterical! Seriously.

    • Kevin

      Thanks for dropping in Lara. I am still wondering if your sister killed you for posting that picture on your website.

  • Man…I can’t believe people actually got worked up over this. This was great! It made me laugh out loud and I was afraid my wife would wake up and wonder why I was sitting out in the living room all by myself and laughing.

    Now I’m picturing how Cowboy Jesus would have dealt with the salespeople who’d set up shop in the temple. And I’m picturing a temple with double swinging saloon doors.

  • Allie

    Don’t forget Jesus was a wrangler!… He climbed right on that unridden, unbroke 2 yr old.

    If Jonah had been a cowboy he’d of headed into the desert with his bedroll on the back of his horse and never been near any Great Fish.

    Zacheas would have climbed atop the corral rail not a tree

    Samson would have had a showdown at the ok corral instead of bringing the building down

    This is fun! Thanks Kevin!

    • Kevin

      Thanks Allie!! Great additions that made me laugh.

  • Will Frary

    King James version tells us all about the Cowboys in the Bible. Most of the other versions called them just sheepherders and changed the cattle to sheep.

    Genesis 46: 32-34
    32And the men are shepherds, for their trade hath been to feed CATTLE; and they have brought their flocks, and their herds, and all
    that they have.

    33And it shall come to pass, when Pharaoh shall call you, and shall
    say, What is your occupation?

    34That ye shall say, Thy servants’ trade hath been about CATTLE from
    our youth even until now, both we, and also our fathers: that ye may
    dwell in the land of Goshen; for every shepherd is an abomination unto
    the Egyptians.
    Check out what happens in chapter 47 too! Who does Pharoh put in charge of his cattle and pastures?

    Numbers 32

    1Now the children of Reuben and the children of Gad had a very great multitude of cattle: and when they saw the land of Jazer, and the land of Gilead, that, behold, the place was a place for cattle;

    I wonder who The Cowboy is in Zechariah 13?

    Zechariah 13

    5But he shall say, I am no prophet, I am an husbandman; for man taught me to keep cattle from my youth.

  • Allie

    God Himself is a Great Cattleman… “He owns the cattle on a thousand hills”

    Great verses Will….. Thank you

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